ASRS All Saints Rock School
Dylan "rock vox" leads the singing, after being spotted as the loud guy in the school choir he makes a great front man, At 12 years old he is the "old man" and has just started high school but we have managed to keep him as our lead singer from this primary school project. Edward "Ed the beat" has been learning the drums for around a year and is now as solid as a Roland drum machine but way cooler. Isaac "zak the axe" is our guitar man and our tallest eight year old we blame that on the parents. Ells Bells Elleanor is in her last year at primary school and one of our backing vocals some say she is crazier than an igloo in summer for AS RS that's normal. Then we have Sophia Anne "Rainbow Bass" juggling performance in Annie, rock bands, swimming competitions and gymnastics all in a days work or is that play, she says the best thing about the band is "the band". Lastly Bad Boy Bill, William a back up singer who never gets your back up, at eight years old he has just started to learn guitar and wants to look after animals when he is older. Looked after by their mentor and pension industry link Peter, they will win the cute factor but can they rock mallowstreet, you betcha.
Prëmier Crüe - The band with more changes of rhythm guitarist than the Sugababes have had members, are back once more to rock the O2 Academy in the name of pensions. Frontman @DanPeroni, bassist Bobby Carrot, drumstick wielder Kris Boogs and guitarists Sean The Cauldron, Pete The Vicar now vow to wow the loud crowd. How? With a cow (bell) if allowed.
@DanPeroni - still trying desperately to find his own voice rather than trying to sound like Vedder, Keidis Followell or Grohl. More of a mimic than a singer. But an OK one. Still won't audition for XFactor on principle.
Pete "the Vicar" was once given a leaflet in Croydon saying "Jesus saves". He still believes that Jesus is a Spanish goalkeeper in the Premier League. This is the only football knowledge he has and earned him his nickname. What he knows about guitar he learned at a young age and then never learned another thing. He is not a qualified actuary but did once suggest that pension scheme mortality issues could be solved with a drive by outside the Post office on a Thursday. The only problem is that they all collect their pensions online now. Alas whilst time may have moved the man out of the 1970's you can't take the 1970's out of the man.
Bobby 'Carrot' doesn't know if he is coming or going. He's picked up his bass again to try to regain the spotlight as he has been usurped in recent times by Baby Carrot off of Eggheads and Kevin Carrot, the star of the Aldi Christmas TV advert. So he's hedging his bets with two bands this year, Prëmier Crüe, playing here at Mallowstreet Rocks and "Bobby Carrot & The Root Veg" who will be playing various farmers markets throughout Suffolk this spring. Songs include "I Got A Brand New Combine Harvester", "Fields of Gold" and a selection of tunes from the classic time-travelling farming film "Tractor the Future".
Kris "Boogs" Buglear: Some say, he was forged from earth, wind and fire in a "boogie wonderland"; that his snare drum is so loud that when he hits it a kitten dies someone in the southern hemisphere; and that he's counted up to four so many times that he can no longer remember what numbers come after that. All we know is that he's called "The Sticks". In truth, that's the first time he's ever been called it, but it helped make this a mildly amusing bio. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you: Mr Boogs. <cymbal crash>
Sean "The Cauldron" Caldwell: The Cauldron returns to the fold like Columbo returning to the prime suspect's house with one more question seemingly unconnected to the murder case. In his time away from the band he has travelled the world visiting such exotic destinations as Kidderminster, Bury St Edmonds and Rhyl. He brings back to the band a wealth of knowledge; not in music unfortunately - he has learnt to talk to stoats, has climbed Snowdon is espadrilles and is now a Fellow of the Chartered Institute of Pangolin-charming.
See No Evil, Hear No Evil
With the moto 'he who dares wins' See No Evil, Hear No Evil are primed and almost...ready to launch their brand of rock on the Mallowstreet audience. These two time chancers have had a re-brand since their days as Fidelius Mac and like Bros are ready to rise again!
Graeme ("G-Man") Howell - Singer. Having enjoyed enjoyed/survived the experience from last year he's back and this time it's personal!
Pete ("Compo") Calvert - Lead Guitar. There is little I can say about this man that would truly reveal his magnificence, other than he is the man Clapton aspires to be!
Lewis ("Keith") Miller - Drums. Lewis has played drums all his life it seems and to prove his sacrifice he is the 'hear no evil' part of the band. If you want to insult him do it from his right hand side!.
Ed Partridge - Bass. The new kid on the block, rumoured to be the love child of Level 42's Mark King. Revel in his high bass position.
Michael Cox - Rhythm Guitar. Finally to me, the amateur in the band. As I am not allowed to drive I bought a guitar to indulge my midlife crisis and look at me now! I'm the 'see no evil' part of the band.
The Shards (SLI)
The Shards are passionate purveyors of the finest rock music known to humanity. They are:
Pauline Hatfield (lead vocals). Pauline's singing career began aged 8, when she would belt out Lena Zavaroni numbers in the back court of her tenement building in Glasgow. Her love affair with heavy rock began later and has never ended. When she's not singing with SLI super group, The Shards, she is lead vocalist with one of Glasgow's top classic rock bands.
Andy Dickson (keyboards). SLI investment director and international man of mystery, Andy is a talented keyboard player whose virtuoso style makes Rick Wakeman look like a mere legend. Andy has given live performances in such far flung places as India, Tanzania, Peru, USA, China, New Zealand and the miners' welfare club, Bannockburn.
Chris Renwick (drums). By day, Chris is the urbane head of sovereign wealth at SLI but by night he transforms into tub thumper extraordinaire with rock gods Elixiere, navigating the fine line between percussion and concussion with aplomb. Chris also served with distinction in the armed forces (the military, not the Elvis Costello album).
Steve Plummer (lead guitar). Despite being a passionate blues aficionado, Steve has been known to use more than three chords in the course of a performance. A music producer and keen collector of guitars, Steve is famous for being able to use over 30 different axes during a 20 song set.
John Hatfield (bass). John's bass playing has been compared to that of Jack Bruce, Flea and Mani - very unfavourably. A few years ago his live sound changed radically when he started plugging the bass into an amplifier. John also plays guitar, banjo, mandolin and balalaika but usually drops at least one of them before the end of the song.